By now you will have read #3: Feeling surpassed by others and over looked- and the story of the little green bloomers.
Now, here’s #2.
Uncertainty, self-doubt and confusion!
“I can’t, party of one”….
Sometimes this one is a catch 22. If we think or say to ourselves, “I can’t do that!” More often than not, you have the full support of the people most important to you, and likely, the ones you trust who encourage you to go for it. On the other hand, sometimes we say, “I can do that!” But before you know it, there are swarms of people around you trying to convince you that you can’t. That no, you aren’t good enough, why would you want to do that for? Have you really thought this through? This sometimes makes us second guess ourselves and doubt starts to creep in. We wonder if it’s really possible to achieve everything you want in life. Often times, this is worse than not believing yourself in the first place!
Either way guess where you end up? Exactly the same place… At your table “I can’t, party of one”. Confused? You bet!
So, what’s this really all about?
Whatever you want in life- you can have. Let me say that again. Whatever you want in life, you can have. The ones who seem to ‘have it all’ are no different than anyone else. Actually there is one small difference that can be one huge difference to wishing vs. actually achieving what you want. So, let’s focus on this for a minute. Ever wondered why you do things and in fact, why you don’t do things? What patterns you have, behaviours, beliefs? What drives you forward and what holds you back? It’s actually the same thing. Ready? Mindset. And that is the only difference between the ones who have it and the ones who want to have it.
Now, mindset isn’t just saying I’m going to do x.y.z and away you go. Nor is it saying I want x.y.z and magically it appears. If there is doubt in your mind about whether you can achieve it and a step further and saying even if I could achieve it, I don’t know how!
I felt like this for a long time. Going back and forth from wanting what everyone else had and finding out what I wanted and why to then doubt myself as to whether I could actually achieve it and it was all just too hard. It was also all in my mind. My mind was ‘set’ for failure not success.
I worked hospitality, retail, events; I even sold haircuts on the streets of London to passers-by. I was so scared to do this. I didn’t want to ‘annoy’ random strangers and ask them about their hair! Needless to say I was not good at this job. BUT, one of my colleagues Andrew was amazing at this. What was the difference? We had the same training. It was self-belief. His mind was ‘set’ for success. He had a belief in himself and the products and I had a belief in the product but not in myself.
Andrew had confidence in himself and he backed himself. He didn’t care what others thought of him. It was none of his business what other people thought anyway. I on the other hand cared what people thought and tried to predict what they wold think and feel. How exhausting! Trying to mind read each person I came across. At the end of the day, people will say and think and feel and do whatever they want regardless of what you have said or felt, or done. We can’t hold ourselves back because we think we know how they will react and what people will think of us. Wasting time trying to be a mind reader, you may as well do it and find out.
Giving up because giving up is more comfortable and easier and no one gets hurt….Ah, but what about you? YOU get hurt. Let me tell you one of my favourite quotes:
The people who matter don’t mind and the people who mind don’t matter.
If I listed and accepted what my ex-husband said to me about my dream of running Melbourne Natural Wellness, I would have walked away. Closed it down and walked away. I still remember the words he said to me. “Who do you think you are? You can’t run a business you don’t have any qualifications. It’s going to fail.” Do you know something? These are the best words I have ever heard. Why? Because that was the moment I had a choice. Agree he was right or agree with myself and my reason why I wanted to run MNW. I knew I could help people. I knew I loved connecting with people and seeing changes in them. To be there for them when they needed someone to listen without judgement. And that was so much stronger than someone I loved and trusted saying I couldn’t do it. I am grateful he said that because it enabled me to re look at the types of people I was surrounding myself with. That and my stubborn and determined streak were in full swing!
Imagine what would have happened if I agreed with him. I knew from doing a lot of self-work on my mindset, beliefs, sub personalities and the like and knew that these were his fears being projected onto me not actually mine.
So, uncertainty, self-doubt and confusion can rule your life or you can rule it. What have you got to lose? Embarrassment? Fear? A wise man once said to me you know what fear is Jodes?
Fear is a future perception of having a loss without a gain. You can’t have a loss without a gain.
I struggle with self-doubt. I have a huge people pleaser sub personality which often times blindsides me from what I am trying to achieve. Fear creeps in, self-doubt too. Can I really do this? What if it doesn’t work? What will people think? What if it doesn’t work? Luckily over the years I have been fascinated with myself. I have done many many courses, readings, workshops; you name it -in discovering me. My mindset. I also know that my strong people pleaser sub personality enables me to do what I love. Connecting with people and helping them becomes the person they want to be – the best version of themselves.
One of the tools I use and would love to share with you is called Mind Process Self Esteem by my Mentor and Coach Perry Mardon. To grab a free copy simple email me firstname.lastname@example.org
Perry also has an event coming up in Melbourne called Mind Sparks. Take a look and see if it’s for you.
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